Sex is something we all do for fun. But could it do more for us than just making us feel good physically? Could there also be an emotional component to sex that we are not aware of? It is often said that sex with your partner will strengthen your relationship, and make you feel closer to one another. I often wondered how much truth there was to this belief. Because I don’t believe everything I’m told, I ignored it. Until @jobucks referred me to a link through twitter. From this link, I found numerous studies that suggest that sex affects us in more ways than one.

To begin with, studies have found that having sex with your partner will make you happier. In a sample of sexually active college females, condom use was related to scores on the Beck Depression Inventory. The females who were having sex without condoms were less depressed than those who were having sex with condoms. For the women who reported having sex with condoms, depressive symptoms and suicide attempts were proportional to the consistency of condom use. Meaning that as their condom use decreased, so did their depressive and suicidal thoughts. For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased.

Sure, sex makes women happier. But we all know this, right? The question i’m more interested in is whether sex fuels love? Can sex really bring people closer together (physically and emotionally) and actually strengthen a relationship?

Lots of women prefer to take a relationship slow. They want to get to know each other before they dive in and take a big step. But could this delay really be doing more harm than good? I will provide the research on the topic and you can decide for yourself.

A study conducted by Ursula Hess, Stuart Brody, Job van der Schalk and Agneta H. Fischer was conducted to assess whether sexual activity is related to the perception of the facial attractiveness of unknown men. Forty-five women participated in the study and reported the frequency of variety of sexual behaviours. They then rated the facial attractiveness and friendliness of 24 unknown men. The results found that women who engaged in frequent sexual behaviour rated male strangers as less facially attractive than those who don’t engage in frequent sexual activities. This suggests that those who have frequent sex with their partners would be less susceptible to being tempted or being drawn to attractive men they come in contact with.

This research demonstrates that sex almost acts as an external protective barrier for the relationship by dampening a woman’s search for other men. But research suggests that sex can also strengthen a relationship internally.

According to research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in August, sexual cues can directly influence a person’s relationship-oriented behaviors.

The researchers conducted a number of experiments to try and determine whether an association exists between erotic stimuli (sexually explicit words and pictures) and attributes that might increase a person’s tendency to want to be in a close relationship with another person.

Participants were divided into four groups — two were shown sexual photos, and two were shown neutral photos. Within each set of groups, one group was shown the photos for 30 ms (subliminal) and the other was shown it for 500 ms (supraliminal). The sexual photos shown were erotic but not pornographic pictures (an attractive naked, reclining man shown from the groin up for the female participants; an attractive, naked, kneeling woman photographed from behind for the male participants). The neutral photos were abstract pictures. The participants then undertook a variety of psychological and self-report tests to examine the effects of this “sexual priming”.

Subliminal exposure to these sexual stimuli increased participants’:

* Willingness to self-disclose
* Accessibility of intimacy-related thoughts
* Willingness to sacrifice for one’s partner
* Preference for using positive conflict-resolution strategies

Both men and women showed this effect that sexual or erotic stimuli can create a willingness to adopt positive relationship behaviours.

In reading these studies, caution must be taken. Firstly, these studies were conducted on university students, however, who may not behave or have the same relationship or sexual motivations one has later in adulthood. And the situations were artificial, lab-created experiments with much of the data coming from simple self-report. This could create a different outcome to behaviour that is observed and monitored.

Nonetheless, while you may think sex can have nothing to do with a relationship (or you don’t need one to have the other), unconsciously, your brain may very well be working toward a different goal. Sex is more than just the act. It’s about forming and developing a relationship, in a deeper way than you could ever know.

If you are a person who likes to delay sex and take things slow, think about what you are doing. If you are really attached to the person and want a long term relationship, perhaps it would be best to get into it and see how it makes you feel. However, if you are a little wary of your partner, perhaps put off the sex as it could lead to more than what you wanted.

And think about that the next time you think you’re just having “casual” sex, as it could just result in more than what you had planned for.

I’d like to hear your opinion on this topic. Does sex really affect a relationship? Can you relate to this research or do you have a totally opposite experience to what is reported in the literature?

If you would like to read more, I recommend reading some of Lisa Diamond’s research on love and sexual desire. She has been researching the topic for years and she really knows what she is talking about.

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